perseph2hades: (Default)
[personal profile] perseph2hades
*falls to knees*

Oh God, it’s coming.


In 1998, graphic novelist Frank Miller came to the realization that there was not enough male nakedness, hotness, potential group sex, roaring and grunting, and all round panty-melting badassness in the world. He set about correcting that, by creating the graphic novel 300.

Seven years later, through divine providence, filmmaker Zack Snyder come to the same god-fearing conclusion. Only needing to cast about briefly, he came upon 300. Zack liked what he saw. So braving death by male nipple, loss of all sanity on the set of a Hollywood production not aided by the use of narcotics, he set about to make a groundbreaking film.

Fans freaked. But pretended not to. As, for years there had been much flailing over the jaw dropping graphic novel, and the thought of bastard Hollywood getting their hands on it was a little too much for most to bear.

However, this was Zack Snyder. Who with fifteen minutes of originality from Dawn of the Dead had achieved a holy-shit factor that had gifted him years of fannish good will. Yet on the other, this was 300, the mother of holy-shits.

Still support was given. Because, really, are we not fans. Is that not what we do.

The movie got made. We hoped and prayed.

And what resulted?






























































Breathe.

Don’t think about Gerard Butler taking anyone from behind.








































It’s the story of the Battle of Thermopylae, of the 300 Spartans and their allies who passed into legend by holding off the Persian army of Xerxes, king of the fucking universe. Miller knew more than most what makes superheroes capture our imagination so, and for the man who gave Batman back his darkness it was a match made in heaven. He gave us Spartans as they live in our imaginations. Stripped down to their essence, pounding with passion. The only people I pity are the fanboys who do not know from whence their erections came. (This by default excludes individuals such as [livejournal.com profile] irmk2003.)

See some of what’s been slaying ‘em.



























































































Of the ancient Greek culture of manlove I’ll not say much, except that the Spartans were circumspect about it. Which brings up visions of hot young Spartan warrior boys driving their instructors to near madness with their limber forms and razor sharp skills. The rest is up to you.

Now close your legs and meet the cast.

King Gerard [Butler] as King Leonidas

Do I have to say anything, or can I just do dirty things to his arms?

Lena Headey as Queen Gorgo

Whom I hope-hope-hope becomes the next Angelina Jolie because I love her. She’s normal and down to earth and hardworking and so ready for her big break. And look at that body. Like a modern dancer.

David Wenham as Dilios

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
*puddles*

Dominic West as Theron

Hello. This is my boyfriend from The Wire. He teases me into a frenzy on his HBO show with his antihero-ness and his drinking and his little boy vulnerability and his mind-breaking fucking. *grits teeth* One of these days, West, one of these days.

Michael Fassbender as Stelios (much thanks to [livejournal.com profile] fassbenderfans for the photo)

Where are my fellow Band of Brothers slashers? Sgt. Christenson, anyone? We get to see his nipples? *stares* And you see him up above mouthing off to the Persian emissary? (“Then we’ll fight in the shade.”) Uhmm…

Tom Wisdom as Astinos

People. Public service announcement: If you have any idea where to find images of this British pup, please spam my LJ. And my questions include whether or not he is friends with Sean Bean. *sweats and dies a terrible death*

Vincent Regan as Captain

Do you remember wetting your panties in Troy every time he looked at Achilles with those blue, blue eyes? Well, he’s got the angsts for someone in this movie. If you scroll up, you see him wailing over something while the other Spartan hotties hold him back. *counts remaining lives*

Andrew Pleavin as Daxos

I don’t know him too well, but he was in that horrifying TV version of Attila with Gerard Butler as Attila (which I own, thanks), so I imagine their manly on-set reunion was pervy and worth staring at.

And last, but not least, Rodrigo Santoro as Xerxes.

Hotness? Almost no comparison. When he turns it on (as they have not yet permitted him to do on Lost), you succumb to hysterical blindness. And his might be the best role on the nakedness scale since on top of getting to see his mouthwatering body naked, we get to see it naked and strapped every which way with gold rings and chains. Just leave the flowers on my doorstep, as I have died.

Snyder admitted himself that he was crazy over the HBO men and went on a casting spree from the network. From the looks of things it also appears he had it bad British men. Therefore observe, fellow pervs, the privileges of being an It Boy director. A real life harem of your own. Call me, Zack. Call me. I want to be your lady pimp.

Finally, one of my personal favorite things: stunt men getting roles. Never really speaking roles, but the roles where they do all the spectacular stuff on screen that stays in your head and makes you whimper because in real life they look like this…







Sweeties in nothing but shin guards and leather jockstraps. And let’s not forget Ryan Watson who opened up the show at the start of the post there. Clearly credited as “Hero Spartan #1” for a very good reason. *slurps*

And then their stunt coordinator looks like this.


Holy.RPS.hell. I shall enjoy making them my concubines.

Note: if the King says “Give them nothing, but take from them everything,” then we presume that in Sparta he who orgasms last, wins.

What time is love? In the US, March 9, 2007. Theatrical trailer: here.


Oh, look. A comm. [livejournal.com profile] 300slash



ETA: Dial-up sized stills
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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doeeyedgrim.livejournal.com
Holy...sdfas;dlhgwdaiwoeurweoinbfnbs.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Damn it, you.





(I love you. Have my babies?)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:40 am (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:36 am (UTC)
ext_9063: (Crotchetorial region)
From: [identity profile] mlyn.livejournal.com
*Instantly emails this post to all the friends who have been drooling over the trailer*

*Joins comm*

*Clutches your hand* We need to stick together, sweetie. Otherwise this invasion from Planet Hotfuckers is going to destroy us before it saves us.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
WE ARE ALL FUCKING FUCKED.

Is this thing caps locked?? GOOD.

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Date: 2006-12-11 05:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] loki2thor1.livejournal.com
Holy.Mary.Mother.Of...FUUUUUGUHHHH!!!

(no subject)

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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spider-orchid.livejournal.com
So basically what you're saying is that I need to have sex with all of the men in this movie? *explodes*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
I'll grab the energy drinks!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-reverand.livejournal.com
I've been getting curiouser and curiouser about this, and it certainly *looks* beatiful... but then all I can think of is how much I *laughed* during the horror that was Troy (which is what this puts in mind) and possibly even worse, David Wenham's painted-on abs. V_V

I'm sure I will love it and eventually ask you to pass me the ketchup... better for eating my words.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
Please don't bring up Troy in this LJ. Ugh. *sigh*

But make up or no, David Wenham in panties!!! *hootsquee!*

Re: that's it, you've killed me

From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-12-11 05:59 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emseviltwin.livejournal.com
oh lord. Michael Fassbender, Dominic West AND Rodrigo Santoro? I think I just broke something!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
It's INSANE! Who could have lived through the making of this movie? And Fassbender's Stelios looks like sex sex sex. Guh.

that's it, you've killed me

Date: 2006-12-11 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilithilien.livejournal.com
If I wasn't drowning in my own drool, I would praise your goodness to the heavens for all eternity. As it is, I need to paddle out of here.

Re: that's it, you've killed me

Date: 2006-12-11 06:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
You need to take me with you. I think I've throbbed to death. *weeps*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bionic.livejournal.com
Well now you've certainly got me all excited about this movie!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
It's like a gift from the gods! lol!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] browncoatjack.livejournal.com
Oh. My. God. I was dying of joy right up until you said Dominic West would be in it...now I'm just done. Dead.

I SO cannot wait to see this. And I haven't even watched the trailer yet. *G*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
The teaser was meh. The theatrical trailer they finally released yesterday was more like what they had shown at Comic Con, and that was what cooled some of my fears about the movie. But Dominic West? How badly is that man cruising for a thorough licking? *trembles*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ivorytowers.livejournal.com
Holy SHIT I have to go watch the trailer again. I mean, this is only like the thousandth time I've seen it. There is no such thing as watching too much of this thing.

(no subject)

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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halcyon-grey.livejournal.com
I've been aware of this movie and it's appeal but you have just wetted my appetite for this buffet of manliness.

I must go bone up on my Spartan history now thank you.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
How much more delicious history is through a lens of perving. :P

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] green-grrl.livejournal.com
Oh my Jeezus... The trailer for that movie hypnotized me for hours! HELLS YES GIMME SOMMA THAT!!! *joins comm*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
It hit me out of nowhere, even though I was expecting it. I just wasn't expecting any of the trailers to be good!

Don't ask me how many times I've watched it or whether or not I've bought the Nine Inch soundtrack off iTunes.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shrinetolust.livejournal.com
I--I can't speak.

*quivers*

djflsagnngngnnnnnnnnn...

It kept going...and going...and going...and British pups...

__prone__

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
*smothers howls* *sits on the floor next to you* I laugh so I won't wail with horniness.

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Date: 2006-12-11 06:21 am (UTC)
ext_55759: (Sammy)
From: [identity profile] ainael-1984.livejournal.com
Hi, hello, um, THANK YOU!
::watches trailer::
::dies::
::heads to website::
::dies somemore::

Holy Cow - ummm the 'training' video - KILLS!!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 06:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
*gggnnnnn* Yes. Yes it does. They all look so..fit. And the way they're effortlessly twirling their staffs.. *keels over*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 07:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] andolinn.livejournal.com
*whimpers* So, so, so...I didn't seem close enough to the edge, did I?

You just had to throw Gerard at me? And Rodrigo dressed in nothing more than fucking jewelry? And nubile young boys... And Greek man!sex!

*curls up in a quivering mass on the floor*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 07:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shrinetolust.livejournal.com
*curls up next to you*

*meep*

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Date: 2006-12-11 07:07 am (UTC)
ext_47216: (Default)
From: [identity profile] elflady-2001.livejournal.com
OMFG! This is the film you were telling me about?! *squeak!* JC on a freakin' cracker! *faints*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 07:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
I knowwwwwwwwwwwwww. *rocks back and forth*

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From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-12-12 05:35 pm (UTC) - Expand

OMFG

Date: 2006-12-11 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cuissesdefer.livejournal.com
IT'S GOT CHRISTENSON!!!

Okay, as if I wasn't sold on the Spartan aspect, the Gerry aspect, the Frank Miller aspect, and the Zack aspect, I am now thoroughly and completely SOLDY MCSOLDED.

And uh, Ryan Watson? OMGYESPLEASE.

I was excited before but now I'm just peeing my pants!!

Re: OMFG

Date: 2006-12-11 05:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
And Christenson has one of THE best roles in the movie!! He's a smartass with the skills to back it up. Topless. GUH!!! I fucking hurt!

Ryan Watson can call me anytime.

Re: OMFG

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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 07:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] katernater.livejournal.com
That. Is pretty much the coolest (and prettiest) thing I've seen in ever.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
Quite posssibly, yes. Yes.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 07:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-ped.livejournal.com
I just... and then the THIGH... and the PRETTY!

Great. Thanks a HEAP, Perse. Now I'm going to have to bat my eyes at my friends to get my hands on a copy of the graphic novel Maybe for Xmas... and now I finally, FINALLY see what has had people all aflutter about Gerard Butler the last few years.

But the THIGHS! I'm going to have to see this in the theater just to see THIGHS. This would be a PERFECT candidate for IMAX.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
Their thighs are astonishing. Gerard Butler has always had deadly mile-long thighs (which might explain why in Phantom the director inexplicably put the Phantom in thigh-high red leather boots), but it almost seems impossible that every one of them on screen have those gleaming thrusting thighs. Imax veiwing? I don't think I would dare. *whimper*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 09:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denaligirl1.livejournal.com
really, i lack adequate words to describe the amount of flailing going on right now. i mean, gerard, rodrigo, michael, dom, david AND stunties...all wrapped up in lurvely spartan nekkidness and mansex. *faints*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
*calms your troubled brow* It seems like someone should be both punished and thanked for this, doesn't it? I spent the whole of yesterday gasping for air.

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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 10:51 am (UTC)
ext_29560: (Default)
From: [identity profile] aleathiel.livejournal.com
Tom Wisdom - I don't know where to find pictures of him recently, but I can point to some old ones. He was the eldest son in some Civil War (British, that is) drama called Children of the New Forest about a thousand years ago when I used to watch such things. He was cute then. Now he's grown up...

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 12:10 pm (UTC)
ext_29560: (Default)
From: [identity profile] aleathiel.livejournal.com
Okay, and now I'm back, having seen the trailer. Hmm.

Yes, I can appreciate the men on display, but I'm reluctant to give myself wholeheartedly to something with such a cringeworthy trailer. I have a soft spot for Sparta and while I know it's deliberately playing with the stereotype, I couldn't bear "This is SPARTA!". Ouch. I'm consoling myself by reminding myself it's supposed to be a sort of superhero comic rather than having any basis in fact. And that the men are really very pretty.

We shall see if I go see it. Probably I will, because, in the end, I always do. And if it's riddiculous enough, I'll probably enjoy it.

(no subject)

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(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 11:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lhuneldaiel.livejournal.com
Unnnnnnggggghhhh...I think I swallowed my tongue and bit a hole in my lower lip.

OMFG. Those little undies is all they're wearing under the robes??? Oh Goddesss, help us.

This post WINS.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
Those little undies is all they're wearing under the robes???

Can you imagine? How slutty!! *jiggles*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 11:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hidden-hero.livejournal.com
*0__0!!!!!!!!!!!

*the person you are trying to reach is unable to answer or is outside the service area right now...please try again later*

THUD!

twitch * twitch * twitch

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
These men, these hard warriors, back home in Sparta, in all likelihood have nubile young warrior-in-training boyfriends. As we all know is Greek porn canon.

That, my sweet friend, is what has crippled my brain. *squeezes eyes shut*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] burningchaos.livejournal.com
Holy Fucking Hell....*dies* *starts marking off til March 9*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
*cries* I just need to go into cryogenic sleep, like in Aliens.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 12:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hidden-hero.livejournal.com
I have now shown both teens the trailer.

Much fan-girlie flailing going down in the house this morning before breakfast!!!

*^___^*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-12-11 05:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] perseph2hades.livejournal.com
I seriously love your girls.

(no subject)

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